Communicating with Difficult Clients

Difficult Clients -- You know who they are.

When your Difficult Client’s number appears on your cell phone or their email address pops up in your inbox, your stomach clenches in anticipation of an unpleasant exchange to come. Your Difficult Clients are always angry, upset, or complaining, and nothing you do or say seems to please them. You’re at your wit’s end, and you can’t remember why you agreed to work with them in the first place!

It’s time to shift into Difficult Clients Mode. Instead of casual conversation, use the points below to script your arguments before delivering them. Complete a first draft, let it sit a few hours or overnight, and then fine-tune the wording carefully.


First, remove the first person singular pronouns (I, me, my, mine). Wherever possible, substitute your statements with the first person plural (we, us, our, ours). Using “we” reinforces the fact that you are all on the same team. So instead of, “I’ll get an answer to your request,” say “We’ll see how the buyers respond to our request.”


Another way to remove first person pronouns is to change to passive voice. So instead of “I presented your proposal but the Sellers said no,” say “Our proposal was rejected by the Sellers.”


Absolutely, you should use the first person singular when you make a promise, such as “I’ll have that information for you by five o’clock”; or when you accept personal responsibility and need to say, “I’m sorry.” In most other cases, however, you are better off leaving “I” out of your communication.


Without first person pronouns, you are less vulnerable to attack. Just using a rhetorical device like “I think,” or “I believe,” or “I’m afraid that,” can inspire a challenge from Difficult Clients. They might say, “On what authority do you think, believe, or fear?” In other words, “Who do you think you are?” Difficult Clients look for opportunities to challenge your competence and authority; it’s prudent to reduce those opportunities when you can.


Second, offer facts rather than opinions. Ugly truth sounds more palatable when it comes from an objective source, rather than inf the form of your personal thoughts or observations. Instead of, “I’m afraid sellers aren’t getting what they used to,” say, “In this market, homes can’t command the price they would have gotten three years ago.” Cite an authority if you can, and statistics are always good. You might say, “According to our MLS data, prices in this area have fallen 12.5% since the peak in 2006.”


Third, be as succinct as possible. Do not elaborate or explain. Avoid extraneous information, especially personal information. So instead of, “I can’t meet you tomorrow because it’s my wife’s birthday,” say, “Unfortunately, tomorrow won’t be possible. Let’s find a time later in the week.”


Fourth, don’t respond to “rabbit trails.” When an extraneous topic is introduced, say “I understand how you feel,” and then turn the conversation immediately back to the issue at hand. So if, during negotiations, your Difficult Client Seller wants to remind you (again) how much they paid to convert the basement, say “I understand how you feel. However, this is the first offer we’ve received and we need to decide how to respond.”



Fifth, focus on the benefits to them of compliance and the disadvantages to them of noncompliance. Difficult Clients have no interest in anyone else’s point of view. If you try to explain that their demands are unreasonable or unfair to the other party, you’ll find yourself accused of being “on their side.” Say “I know it’s less than you hoped for, but accepting this offer will mean that you can move forward with your plans. If you turn it down, we may wait a long time before we get another one.” Don’t mention all your hard work or the updates the buyer will have to pay for. Difficult Clients have only one perspective -- their own.



The last point is crucially important: Decline to participate in drama, verbal or written. Stay calm. Keep your face impassive and your mouth closed. Of course, this is easier said than done when you’re being attacked, but tantrums are hard to sustain when no one is fighting back. Don’t respond to accusations in writing; an email exchange will tend to escalate. Instead, pick up the phone and ask them to explain how they feel and why. Difficult Clients are coming from emotion, not from logic; that’s what makes them Difficult. If you can figure out why they’re upset, you may be able to soothe their fear or anger.



Communicating in Difficult Clients Mode will feel awkward at first, but with time and practice, it gets easier. Nothing will make your Difficult Clients into Reasonable People, but learning to communicate effectively with them will go a long way to reducing conflict and moving their transaction toward a happy conclusion.